An Ode to Autumn or “Something Wicked This Way Comes”

“First of all, it was October, a rare month for boys…”

During the end of September and into October, I notice a funny feeling in my tummy. This happens yearly and remains ever-present throughout the season, regardless of the distractions of my everyday life. It usually presents itself alongside another feeling, one which is harder to describe. It could be characterized as desperation, as a hollow void that demands to be filled. This is strange.

Autumn represents a change. Not just of seasons and weather, but also of life. It is perfectly by characterized F. Scott Fitzgerald who said, “Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall”.

Nostalgia concerning these end-0f-year months is not particularly unusual. For some, it may even be commonplace. But my own “nostalgia” surpasses a mere fondness of the past.

The concept of FOMO (that “fear of missing out” that is often brought on or heightened by social media) seems to fit my feelings well. Most often, FOMO presents itself as the sinking feeling that occurs when you aren’t invited to a social event or party, for instance. If unchecked, FOMO can be debilitating for your present self as you attempt to cope with it. In my circumstance, FOMO is about about the past. It has already happened.

I realize that this sentiment is not unlike how the character of Charles Halloway feels in Ray Bradbury’s Something Wicked This Way Comes. In the story, Halloway is middle-aged and a father of a young son (he and I differ there). He feels that his age prevents him from being a suitable dad. He wallows in this and, therefore, is indeed lacking. He’s stuck.

I was first introduced to this story through the 1983 film, having watched it several years ago. It wasn’t until 2021, though, when I revisted the film that I realized the power it held over me. From its opening narration, I was transported to a simpler time and place. In reality, there is nothing about this tale that is simple but, because of the crispy weather and small-town setting, it manages to convince the vieweer that, somehow, life was better then.

This “nostalgic vibe” is in direct contrast to the films’ central themes. The themes are potent- of growing older, of resisting the temptation of settling, becoming deeply unsatisfied with everyday life and, ultimately, wishing it away. Like Charles Halloway, I sometimes feel some of my best days are behind me- and never more than during the autumn or winter months. When the fog rolls is, I think of the early mornings, driving one mere block over to school. When the leaves fall, I remember raking them into piles in the front yard, soon to be completely undone by that inevitable jump. I remember the smell of my grandma’s kitchen, applesauce on the stove.

It all feels so simple. Except it wasn’t.

The themes of Something Wicked This Way Comes are apropos; they have been addressed before, of course. But in the context of fall they are made all the more efficacious. This provides the audience (me) with a dilemma: how do I navigate moving forward in life when all I want to do is look at the past? It is comfortable there. Warm. This is the question that I ask myself in October and throughout the rest of the holiday season.

Nostalgia isn’t inherently bad, of course. But, for people like me, it can be crippling. I think I will always be sentimental. It is in my nature. But my hope is, in the midst of the sentiment, I can learn something new, do something new, or create something new. What I do today will surely reflect the past- but, with a little luck, it will also carve out an even brighter future.

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